Actual conversation from earlier this year.
Neil: ARGHHHH!!! WTH? Who left GLASS on the floor???? OW OW OW OW OOOOW!!!
Me: Um……?
Neil: OMG!!! I can’t believe someone would break glass and not clean it up? Now I have a HUGE sliver of glass stuck in my foot!!! OUCH!!!
My friend Sara: *stares in bewilderment while trying not to laugh*
Me: I don’t think there’s any broken glass in our bedroom.
Neil (hopping on one foot): This is ridiculous – if you BREAK GLASS, you CLEAN IT UP!! Don’t leave it where people can just STEP ON IT!!
Me: *blink blink*
Sara: *snickers*
Me: Do you need some, um, help? Or something? Vicodin perhaps?
Neil (trying to look at his foot, surprised to find all toes are indeed intact, and there is no blood): Yes. I can’t reach my foot. (note: flexibility is not strong suit)
Me (jumping at the chance to remove shards of glass with my Tweezerman tweezers): Ok, let’s take a look. Hmmm…I’m not seeing anything here. Where does it hurt?
Neil: Not there, no, no, THERE! OMG! Ouch!!! What is that?!!?
Me (inches away from foot): Huh…I really can’t see anything . There IS this piece of dog hair…*plucks dog hair off of foot*
Neil: ACKRGH!!! Ouch! What was that?
Me (holding up the dog hair as evidence): Killer dog hair. I guess I left some on the floor when it FELL OFF THE DOG.
Sara: *laughs hysterically from kitchen*
For months, Sara and I have cracked ourselves up about the GALL of some people to carelessly leave DOG HAIR lying around, where it could embed itself just ANYWHERE!! Imagine! Think of the consequences!!
And then yesterday, I got a splinter on my thumb. Of, um….dog hair. I plucked it out (ouch!) and it’s now infected (gross).
Someone is going to pay for this….
